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It hits me.  The only reason I am not a published author is because I never submitted anything.  That’s it. I supposed this should be a relief.  But what gets in the way is the shame.  Which I immediately erase with the love of God.  The only way to tell that much story is to live it first.

Which I have done.

Satan’s technique on me:  keep me confused with a mild dose of self hate.

I am listening to James Patterson by James Patterson, narrated by James Patterson.  Not everyone can pull that off. Ultimately it highly motivates me.  But that wasn’t my first reaction.  My first reaction was anger, hurt, jealously…at him, at me, at the world. 

This is how we humans go.  So many of us never do our thing because we stay in darkness.  Blah blah blah.  Anger, hurt, jealousy…these are not from God.  Stay in God’s light and you will do and be in joy.

It really is that simple.

So here’s a guy with a life a lot like mine, in a completely dissimilar way.  He grew up wanting to be a writer.  Wanting to tell stories.  That part is the same.  He had this experience and then that experience, he went to school, had friends, fell in love, did some crazy stuff, met lots of interesting people, struggled to pay the bills, got swept up in a career he didn’t love but he was great at until he just couldn’t take it any more so then he quit and went all in with the writer gig, writing every morning and most nights—here and there and in between the cracks—and he wrote crap and got rejected, etc and fast forward until one day, he didn’t.  Because he kept practicing and listened to people, and didn’t listen to other people et voila! 

Wait, his life is exactly like mine.

So, the point is, I just need to turn the page.  That chapter is over.  Turn the page and don’t turn it back! 3 manuscripts sit next to me on the couch in (3) 3 ring binders.  The other 3 are at the other house. Hm, that’s a lot of 3s.  Plus the thousands of pages not printed on paper but sitting in some cloud. It’s time to rack up the ‘no’s’ because that just how you get there. 

Energy for the Caldron series is up. I’m interested in it again, God is pushing, friends are excited.  Never forget Camera A / Camera B. 

Camera A:  you’ve been working on this forever …what’s wrong with you, you never finished, you’re a loser…

Camera B:  You had A LOT to learn and do before you could pull this off.  Not to mention every ‘success’ story is the same:  you practice and practice and practice and it seems daunting and you quit or forget or get to busy, but you never really quit and you don’t give up and you keep going, keep listening, until…

…it’s time.  And now, it’s time.  Now I know how to write it.  Finish it.  The Tower is the key element, and that’s where I got stuck.  Duh, the Tower is Christ.  I never knew that before because I didn’t know Christ.  Now I know him.  How else is Quire going to get a body and get in time?  Duh, through Christ. 

Let’s see, what else?  Well, it’s kinda fun to observe Satan trying to wreck my day.  My month.  Fear about this, fear about that.  None of it real.  I’m finally too old to fall for that. 

Continue with GMG and get the ball rolling on My God and write the conclusion to Book 1. That’s enough.  The best way to bake bread is to focus on that, love on that, and then make the lasagna.  These things are obvious.

Heavenly Father thank you for Christ.  Because the point we (some) are missing is that that you can do that!  Raise from the dead…give power…make new…make whatever the heck you want.  Yeah, he’s your son, that’s cool, but you’re pretty much the only one that can do all that.  And you are right here with us…

I need to make a choice and commit.  No more running around pretending to be confused.  I need all my energy moving in one direction.  Not fiddlefarting in the bushes.  That’s what I got from James Patterson. Commit.  Full steam ahead.  Because if I’m being honest, his life story just isn’t that interesting.  I mean no offence.  He’s just like any of us; he just makes it sound interesting.  Because that’s what a good writer does. (OK, some parts are interesting.  But so is everyone’s life.  That’s all I’m saying.)  Another gift I got from James, is a sudden realization. I’m a girl. I got something he hasn’t got.  No, I’m not talking about body parts. 

Think about it.